I am Loved

Anxiety and Depression lie to you.

Anxiety and Depression try to cut you off from the things you love most, the people and things that make life worth living.

Don’t let them.

When it comes to thoughts of suicide, I don’t have control over when they pop up, how they’ll manifest themselves. What I can control are the factors that lead to them – lack of sleep, holding onto strong emotions longer than I should, letting exterior factors dictate what goes on in my mind, tearing myself down when things don’t shake out the way that I hoped or planned. By controlling what I do, how I react, and paying attention to my self care, I can do what I need to do to survive…

…I let it all go.

I choose to hold onto the things that make me happy, that matter, that make me who I am. My wife, my son, my dog, my friends, good food, video games – I hold onto them because they are the things that are going to keep me going, keep me from spinning out. The things that make me happy are what allow me to say “Fuck it” to the things that I can’t control, they allow me to let go and get through my crises as they bubble up from the darkness at the back of my mind.

They remind me, with every hug, every afternoon of Dungeons & Dragons, every beer we share, all of the great meals we have together that I matter, that no matter what, I am loved.

Knowing that I am loved, that I matter, keeps me from believing the lies that Anxiety and Depression tell me. It doesn’t inoculate me from the mental illness, anxiety attacks and bouts of depression still come around to pay a visit, but knowing that I am loved helps beat back the darkness when my medication alone isn’t enough.

Be safe.

Be kind.

Remember that you matter.