Yesterday morning just before 9:00am, my mother took the last step on a long, painful journey that started in February 2016. She fought the best fight she could muster, for as long as it took to get her family ready for the end of the 17 month battle with Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer. Until the moment she took her final, hard-fought breath, the four people that were the center of her universe weren’t ready to move forward without her and say goodbye for the last time.
Though we weren’t ready to say goodbye, she had given us the means to get to that point in time when we would be ready, for it was in her last 48 hours her life’s work became clear. Everything she believed, instilled, and reinforced in us over the past 50 years gave us the strength to be there for her and take care of her when she could no longer do the job herself. Her masterwork was our family. We were the last card she had to play in her hand and not only did she play that card, she doubled down and she won the whole damn game. She may of lost her battle with cancer, but in the end, she managed to get all of us where we needed to be when her time to say goodbye arrived, and in doing so she won at life.
For my mother, family meant so much more than sharing a last name or a common set of genetic material. Family meant never having to worry about whether or not you had someone in your corner. No matter what life hurled your way you didn’t have to be afraid whether or not someone had your back when the chips were low or your world was turned upside down. Family is defined by the people in your life who bring you joy, bring light into your life, and make our often complicated world beautiful. Family in Mom’s reality had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with actions, character, and love.
We started putting out the calls to her family Sunday morning and the machine she had been building for more than five decades sprang to life with so much love and strength there was no time, and most important, no need to be afraid. There was sadness because sadness always has a place at the table whenever someone like Mom passes; it can’t be prevented, but you can limit its power over you. We laughed, we cried, we told stories, and above all else, we were present and we didn’t let our sadness control our need to be with her. Instead, we all shared moments of our personal journeys beside Mom and by doing so we were able to stay with her until the end.
Although my mom passed yesterday morning, I didn’t lose her. She’s been with me every step of my life and she will continue to be there for years to come, in my heart and in the family she worked so hard to build and maintain. I will miss her and it will hurt, but instead of wringing my hands I’m going to smile, look at a couple photos, and repeat one of her favorite quotes, “same shit, different day”, and then continue putting one foot in front of the other as I get back to work building and maintaining the machine she designed, our family.
Everything is going to be okay. We got what comes next. Thanks for everything you did for us, Mom.
John
Uncommon Karma 